yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
