I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize