he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
