got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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