you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
