i would punch a child for taco bell
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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