The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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