I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
