I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
