My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize