I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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