He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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