and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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