you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize