remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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