pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
