Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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