I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
