Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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