Pants 0. Shit 1.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think I sprained my soul last night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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