sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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