I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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