Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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