Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
