i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
