What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
