Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
