It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
