This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
