You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
