He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
