like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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