If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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