God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
