I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
