I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
