I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
