i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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