nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
