On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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