Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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