Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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