I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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