Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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