it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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