Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
