the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
