just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
