Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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