Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is the high leading the old right now
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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