well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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