Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
