just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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