Need sex. Gaining weight.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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