she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
