The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
