He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
