FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
