Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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