I need help removing her.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
