How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
