I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
