tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
