I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
