The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
