look no pants
I'm going to jail i love you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
