Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
