Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
