Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
