Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They took my balls.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
