Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
