You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
