did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
