I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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