we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize