I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
